Random musings from the front line (well, more like the support trench, or perhaps the castle 10 miles away, supping Chateau Lafite with the General Staff) in the battle for curiosity, inertia, grammar and a Dachshund called Colin.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

Your (sic) Not Me

As it says on the Front Page - 'Free European Holiday for Every Reader'. Go on then, piss off to Strasbourg, like you're paid to do, you orange loony By which, the dribbling loonies at the Daily Express mean, of course, "Our deranged and incontinent readers are backing Kilroy". Ah, Kilroy. Crap MEP (I read this week that he has the worst attendance record of any British MEP), non-party political member (he left his own piss-poor creation - Veritarse - only months after founding it, probably because the other member refused to retitle the leader "Lord High Overking of the Universe" or something) and all round permatanned daytime TV exile. After my paean of praise to his Borisness (below), I thought I'd stay off politicians for a while and I don't actually intend to blog about Kilroy today. After all, he's a ridiculously easy target for a semi-anonymous blogger like myself, and many people have done the job better and earlier than me. And no-one has done any better than the superb "Will Flash for Cash" gurus at eclectech - whom I came across today whilst reading Jonny B's latest efforts to save his (non-threatened) Post Office. So, for several minutes worth of fantastic entertainment - click on the grinning idiot above (or here) and prepare to giggle like a girl!

The future appears not to be orange, after all.Actually, let me say this one thing about his ex-party - they're quite good at not wanting to give me any money. You see, in a fit of cyber-squatting entrepreneurship earlier in the year, I bought the domain www.veritas.net.uk (or something very similar, thus avoiding all you WHOIS aficionados!) in order to sell onto the fledgling neo-UKIP-type party with (at-the-time) no website. Unfortunately, they weren't remotely interested, and neither were any EBay buyers I subsequently tried to tempt, so now I'm bloody lumbered with ownership of an unwanted crap domain for another 18 months. And less lumbered with the extortionate £65 it cost me. So, despite what Gordon Gecko says, let alone Richard Branson, greed is not good. In fact, if you're crap at being an entrepreneur (i.e. me), it's slightly expensive.

Anyway, I digress. I was recently told about this amusing website called (in a way to irritate apostrophic pedants the world over) "Your Not Me". This fun-for-5-minutes diversion has the 2001 Electoral Roll within its database, and you can search for how many people in the UK (who were 18 in 2001, so I guess now are at least 22) share the same full name as you. Or surname only. Or first name. Or in fact any random words. So, here are some stats for you:
  • There are 6 Kilroy-Silks in the UK*
  • There are 55 people with the surname Merkin, but none with it as a first name (except me, of course)*
  • There are 222 James Bonds*
  • And 34 Margaret Thatchers* (can you imagine being taken seriously on the phone? "Name?" "Margaret Thatcher" CLICK...brrrrrrrrr)
  • But only 1 Boris Johnson* (that could be a football chant)
  • 14 people have the surname Lupin* (yes I know it's not your real surname, Willie)


  • Only 1 person has the surname Bum.

Now, when I was about 12, I remember reading about a CND protestor who was arrested outside the Houses of Parliament wrapped in nothing but an anti-nuclear flag, singing protest songs about Pershing or some other burning 1980s issue that no-one remembers these days. And his name was so memorable that I (and my friend Jon - where are you these days Chappers?) decided to commit it to memory. The man, who (if my pre-adolescent memory still serves) was born with the rather conventional moniker of "Martin Felix Smith", but had changed it by Deed Poll, was actually named (drumroll please) ....

Martin Felix Oddsocks McWeirdo El-Tooty Fruity Farto Hello
Hippopotamus Bum

And the beauty of it all is that Mr Bum is civic-minded enough to register to vote. Good on yer, Martin! Rock the vote! And Yanks Go Home. It's a bit of a pity that his wife (I know, I know, never assume) - if he has one - never took his name officially, though. I wonder if he has any children?

* Who are 22 and over. Who dared risk endless junk mail and told the council who they were 4 years ago. Etc.

5 Rants & Replies:

Blogger Merkin said...

After I posted this, I decided to do a Google search on Mr Bum, and the only page it found was this one where some techie type uses the EXACT whole name (well-remembered, Merkin, there's life in those grey cells yet) in a non-amusing reply to a non-amusing question. The plot thickens. Where is Mr Bum now?! And why is someone using him as a geek-speak example. Or in fact, blogging about him. Oh yeah...

3:12 pm, August 20, 2005

Blogger WordWhiz said...

Merkin: I'm so sorry!!! When you were away, I thought you'd given up blogging and eventually deactivated the link on my site. I didn't mean to overlook you in my recent reader-appreciation post. I still love you...just got out of the habit of checking your site. My most humble apologies!! I still love you and will add your link back in right away!!

4:29 pm, August 21, 2005

Blogger Wyndham said...

I can't think of anything more witty to say about Mr Kilroy-Silk than: he's a pillock. Nope, that's about as funny as it gets: he's a pillock. Deffo.

7:33 pm, August 21, 2005

Blogger garfer said...

Yeah, perma tanned pillock. Wanker tosspot.

5:32 pm, August 24, 2005

Blogger Merkin said...

Do you know what? I think I've found Mr Bum (not a euphemism)!

From the directory entry at http://www.checksure.biz/Director/MARTIN+FELIX+ODDSOCKS-16212382.htm

And the business listing at http://vegbox-recipes.co.uk/veg-boxes/find-a-box-scheme.php?county=Northamptonshire

It seems that Mr Bum (now going by his third middle name as his surname - I guess that he must run out of space on forms) now works at Leafcycle - the organic vegetable workers cooperative in Northampton, helping run a centre that hosts groups such as "Northampton Action for Peace" and "Northampton Solidarity Federation".

I love old hippies - they're ace! Keep rocking, Mr Bum, more power to your (organic sustainable) elbow...

4:07 pm, June 14, 2010


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