Random musings from the front line (well, more like the support trench, or perhaps the castle 10 miles away, supping Chateau Lafite with the General Staff) in the battle for curiosity, inertia, grammar and a Dachshund called Colin.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Just for the Taste of It...

I see here that the corporate juggernaut that is Coca Cola Inc has made an enormous increase in profits. Their income is now more than $6 billion - that's a hell of a lot of syrupy coca juice! But they don't always get it right, do they? When I was in the USA last year, everyone who wanted a drink of bottled water reached for their bottle of Dasani, which appears to be the most popular brand over there. But do you remember what happened when they tried to launch it in the UK? Remind yourself about the story here!

Eau de Sidcup Yes, that's right. As well as the wonderfully delicate taste of illegally-high levels of bromate impurities, it was soon worked out by the tabloids that the newest water brand on the market was not lovingly tapped from a burbling brook in some mountain range, but actually piped directly via Thames Water's water mains, through some fancy filter paper, into a grey factory block in Sidcup. The media had a field day - everyone knows that tap water in the South East has apparently already been through someone's body 7 times already, and Sidcup is hardly anyone's idea of a bucolic mountain village. Even it's name sounds naff, and as soon as late night comedians latched onto "Eau de Sidcup" then the brand in the UK was effectively dead.

More subtle political comment from the world of PhotoshopThere's also a more modern problem with Coca Cola - it's simply too big for the tastes of the tree-hugging Plaths that always shout the loudest and wash the least. Any company that makes over a billion dollars in pure profit must be simply evil, and no amount of whizzy corporate websites will convince them otherwise. Never mind that this profit is then taxed, and the proceeds used for fluffy government spending, and the dividends from the soaring shares prop up the pension funds of their dear old grandmothers. But that's always the case with the age old capitalism vs socialism argument - only those who have benefitted from capitalism can then afford to protest against it, sometimes by the not-particularly subtle use of emotive imagery. If I were a director at Coca Cola, I'd pour myself a commuter-belt-filtered sewage by-product and just reflect that while the hairies protest, their friends just can't get enough of my product range. Except Dasani. Bleugh.

To finish off my all-too-infrequent rant, I also found this list (below) on the internet. It's interesting, but is it true? Does anyone know?

THE GREAT WATER vs COKE DEBATE

WATER

1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half
world population.)

2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often
mistaken for hunger.

3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%.

4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost
100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study.

5. Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could
significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.

7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory,
trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page.

8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer
by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is
50% less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the
amount of water you should every day?


COKE

1. In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of
Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.

2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone In
two days.

3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and
let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid
in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.

4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of aluminium foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of
Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to the
rusted bolt for several minutes.

7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking pan,
wrap the ham in aluminium foil, and bake. Thirty minutes before the ham
is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix with the Coke
for a sumptuous brown gravy.

8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of
greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The
Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your windshield.

My question is.....would you like a glass of water or coke?

7 Rants & Replies:

Blogger Aginoth said...

Can I have Wine please?

1:10 pm, October 31, 2005

 
Blogger WordWhiz said...

And then there's the name thing. NEW Coke, CLASSIC Coke, DIET Coke, Coke ZERO...WTF??

2:24 pm, October 31, 2005

 
Blogger Merkin said...

aginoth - certainly, Sir. Your normal '68 Chateau de Tour Noir?

WW - Us Brits are lucky enough not to have to put up with the Coca Cola USA branding style - it's always been just Coke and Diet Coke here. But now they're putting extra flavour into the Diet Coke - so only now is it getting complicated. What the hell's Coke ZERO?

7:40 pm, October 31, 2005

 
Blogger Wyndham said...

Great post! Thank god for Starbucks.

9:44 pm, October 31, 2005

 
Blogger garfer said...

Nigella (let her breasts..sorry name be worshipped) Lawson has a recipe for ham baked in coke. Sounds disgusting, but what the thighs of Nigella disport must be worth a go.

10:23 pm, November 01, 2005

 
Blogger Merkin said...

It all helps in the evidence game, Garfer old man. I may even try it tonight....

3:34 pm, November 02, 2005

 
Blogger unforgiving b*tch said...

It's also great as a jewelry cleaner...I personally don't drink the stuff as I'm a Pepsi girl, and that's probably equally as bad.

7:45 pm, November 21, 2005

 

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