Random musings from the front line (well, more like the support trench, or perhaps the castle 10 miles away, supping Chateau Lafite with the General Staff) in the battle for curiosity, inertia, grammar and a Dachshund called Colin.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Think Once, Think Twice, Think .... Never

This spoof BBC news page that was emailed to me made me laugh, although it's a week out of date. I actually saw the whale ("Celebrity Big Blubber", apparently) by the Houses of Parliament, and recognised it immediately as I had driven my little ship (inadvertently, I hasten to add) amongst a school (pod?) of pilot whales in Lyme Bay about 5 years ago. Unlike dolphins, who love playing in the bow-wave of boats, the whales gave us a stiff ignoring and went to look for Lib-Dem MPs, I guess. After all, everyone knows, dolphins are gay sharks.

BONG. Whale Dies in Thames. BONG. Click on picture for larger image

I have lots of friends who ride motorbikes safely and considerately. However, there's also a fair number out there who seem to be on a suicide mission, and who do not exactly help their standing amongst us 4-wheeled types by putting their headlights on full-beam the entire time. I don't doubt how cool you look on a bike (in fact, I'm rather jealous), but every time I'm tempted to take my CBT (Compulsory Basic Training, which you have to do before you even get on a moped, apparently) I can't help but remember the 2 dead biking friends (actually, 1 is still alive, technically, if you get my meaning) and 3 dead sailors of my acquaintance, all of whom were in road accidents that weren't their fault. To say nothing of the fact my mother would be mortified. So good luck to them all, and damn their eyes for not being able to be caught by the new shiny forward-facing 'TruVelo' speed cameras that Hampshire Police have installed everywhere (no number plate on the front of a bike, see). Good luck, and stay alive, you jammy sods.

In other news - buy a tee-shirt with Latin on it. How very cool (I can imagine Patroclus wearing one). Or buy a Liberal Democrat tee-shirt with an amusingly inappropriate slogan. Like "I want a Hughes one". Or "Oaten So Good". As Finbarr Saunders would say - "yuk yuk tee hee".

11 Rants & Replies:

Blogger Fuckkit said...

Ah you're jealous coz we can weave in and out of traffic at 150mph. Well, I cant coz I ride a 125cc which doesnt do much more than 55mph. But still, I can weave. Hah!

1:47 pm, January 31, 2006

Blogger Merkin said...

Weave away, Fuckkit - I'm going to invest in some Boudicca-style wheel blades! And approach from behind at 57mph. Be afraid.....


1:59 pm, January 31, 2006

Blogger The Lady Muck said...

I worry for you fuckkit, given your attacks on cyclists in the past *grins*. Well, I'm going one better than the lot of you and I'm getting one of those hoverboards they had in Thundercats (Ho!) or Back to the future, and dammit I'm gunna do railslides on everyone hahahaha. Or not.

5:23 pm, January 31, 2006

Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

Bugger the bikes and hoverboards. Get a broom. You can sit down demurely with your legs together; there's next to no low altitude traffic (unless you count blackbirds); and, if your shaft is long and sturdy enough, you can take two or three passengers.
Plus there's a Very Exclusive riders club consisting of my good self, Margo Ledbetter and Bree Van De Kamp.

Another witty and informative post, Merkin. Surely I must be lower than 16.6% now?

9:47 am, February 02, 2006

Blogger Mark Gamon said...

Dolphins are gay sharks?

That's a Navy joke, right?

9:17 am, February 05, 2006

Blogger Kyahgirl said...

very funny post merkin.
I don't mind people on bikes (I used to be one) but I do hate the weaving thing.

Thank you for educating me about dolphins. I had a completely different impression of them :-)

4:08 pm, February 06, 2006

Blogger surly girl said...

laura - you had a bike??

as an inveterate biker (licence for 16 years, ex-london despatcher, all-round loony) i really really fucking miss just dicking around on a bike. but then on cold days when my knee hurts like a bastard i love my car. if i think about getting another bike the other half reminds me that i am somebody's mother these days, and i think about the friends i've lost and reconsider. i like to think i'll get a bike again one day tho.

oh, and merkin, just cos you're too rude for me to visit from work (stupid dirty-minded webmarshal), it don't mean i don't love you. so there.

8:13 pm, February 06, 2006

Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

And on a totally unrelated note, Honeytom tells me he won't be posting any more.

Lazy little git!

I'm going to give him a week then remove him from my links.

11:52 pm, February 06, 2006

Blogger Merkin said...

Mark - not a joke, a fact. Dolphins ARE gay sharks. And I have the tee-shirt to prove it.

Surly - be clever and don't ride again. It's dangerous and people like me are on the roads in our big cars.

idv - that's a terrible shame, I really enjoyed his postings - he's a clever lad and very talented writer - wasted on Great Yarmouth - and rather a bit of a honey to boot. As you appear to know him, send him my regards and wish him all the best for the future. Even if he did suddenly stop replying to my emails when he realised I was The Merkin! I think he thought I was stalking him.... oh well.

1:53 pm, February 09, 2006

Blogger Inexplicable DeVice said...

He did mention some stalking but he didn't say who by and he didn't seem particularly bothered by it. In fact, I think he was secretly pleased!

I'll pass on your regards and I'll continue to nag him, just in case...

WV: qhuttgem - I once knew a dwarf called quttgem. Bizarre. Him, not me.

5:28 pm, February 09, 2006

Blogger Steve said...

Inconsiderate bikers wind me up too, something well documented on my blog. I once took great delight in getting a bunch of them arrested:


I love that mock advert!

9:30 pm, February 12, 2006


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