Random musings from the front line (well, more like the support trench, or perhaps the castle 10 miles away, supping Chateau Lafite with the General Staff) in the battle for curiosity, inertia, grammar and a Dachshund called Colin.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Royal Mail - Legalised Junk Mail Peddlars

I hate junk mail. And I hate Royal Mail for making me accept junk mail from my own postman! And since a recent trade union deal, there's no limit to how much "unaddressed mail" I can now receive from Postman Pat (or "Door to Door" material, as the Newspeak robots at the-company-formerly-known as Consignia call it).

But thanks to the Royal Mail's crass suspension of one of its own for daring to publicise the very well hidden system for opting out of this (what a PR blunder that was), we now know that there is an anonymous building in Oxford you can write to and rid yourself of this scourge. But beware, unless you fill in the correct form, this won't be successful, so (as a public service to both of my readers) here is the form to fill in, hosted by a free file share site....

http://www.box.net/public/9ik230dqkf

Print it off, fill it in (and amaze yourself at the expense spared in the form design - well done postie!) and send to:

Door-to-Door Opt-Outs
Royal Mail
Kingsmead House
Oxpens Road
Oxford
OX1 1RX

Tell them the Merkin sent you. The addressed mail is easier to get rid of - just sign up online at the Mailing Preference Service, or write to them at:

Mailing Preference Service
Freepost 29 LON20771
London W1E 0ZT
Tel: 020 7291 3310
Fax: 020 7976 1886

Numa Numa - Gary Brolsma, Net Genius

Am I the only person not to have heard of the "Numa Numa" guy, or GMan250, or Gary Brolsma to give him his proper name? He's a genius, and should be on X Factor, not sulking in New Jersey. Originally a Flash Movie hosted on newgrounds.com, there are hundreds of imitators, takeoffs, tributes and mentions on Google Video, You Tube etc, the best version of which is here.



He has his own fansite - http://www.garybrolsma.net/ and it appears that he's all a bit overwhelmed by the interest in his rather cool lip-sync dance moves. However, after hiding in Staples for a few months, it appears he's back - or at least about to be - as revealed on http://www.newnuma.com/. I can't wait...

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Quiz of the Blindingly Obvious

Passing requires only 4 correct answers....a measly 40%. Answers at bottom.


1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial aeroplane?

All done? Check your answers below! Scroll Down



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ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

Sheep (and Horses)

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?

Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?

Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial aeroplane?

Orange, of course.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Breaking News About Dual Penises

According to Andrew Neil's organ (ahem), The Scotsman, there is a man with an abundance of phalli. Comments, anyone?

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - An Indian businessman born with two penises wants one of them removed surgically as he wants to marry and lead a normal sexual life, a newspaper report said Saturday. The 24-year-old man from the northern state of Uttar Pradesh admitted himself to a New Delhi hospital this week with an extremely rare medical condition called penile duplication or diphallus, the Times of India said.

"Two fully functional penes is unheard of even in medical literature. In the more common form of diphallus, one organ is rudimentary," the newspaper quoted a surgeon as saying.

The surgery was expected to be challenging as both organs were well-formed and full blood supply to the retained penis had to be ensured to allow it to function normally, he added.
The newspaper did not disclose the identity of the man or the hospital to protect the patient's privacy. There are about 100 such reported cases of diphallus around the world and it is known to occur among one in 5.5 million men, the newspaper said.

It is caused by the failure of the mesodermal bands in the embryo to fuse properly. The mesodermal bands are one of three primary layers of the embryo from which several body parts are formed.

(c) Reuters 2006. All rights reserved. Republication or redistribution of Reuters content, including by caching, framing or similar means, is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Reuters. Reuters and the Reuters sphere logo are registered trademarks and trademarks of the Reuters group of companies around the world.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Neil Armstrong is Lance Armstrong's Dad

Will Ferrell is consistently the funniest man in the world:



In other news, I can't wait to go and see Snakes on a Plane. I have seen some abysmal movies recently - Stormbreaker (20 year old who can't act pretends to be 15 year old amongst huge continuity errors) and Superman Returns (an annoying chick flick about unrequited Lois Lane love with a few decent special effects) for instance.

But Snakes on a Plane is different. It was the first major film made purely from internet hype (see hilarious reviews here). They knew it was going to be rubbish before they made it, and didn't pretend otherwise. It's going to be brilliantly, enjoyably, awful.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

You Must Be Out of Your Brilliant Mind

Was this on Now 7? I think it was - did "Furniture" do anything else? Neither iTunes nor Allofmp3.com have heard of them. I WANT IT!

I'm at the stage
Where everything I thought meant something, seems so unappealing
I'm ready for the real thing but nobody's selling none
Except you and you're saying opening up your eyes and ears, and lets me in

You must be out of your brilliant mind
You must be out of your brilliant mind

You're at the stage
You want your empty words said in everybodys writing
I want to know your secrets but you're no telling
You're just gesturing saying open up your arms and hearts, and lets me in

You must be out of your brilliant mind
You must be out of your brilliant mind

And I'm at the stage
Where I want my words said and no one wants to listen though
No one wants to listen 'cause everybody's yelling
About you and yours and how I'd have the answer if only I'd open up up up and let you in

They must be out of their brilliant minds
They must be out of their brilliant minds

I said shame, shame on you
Oh shay-ay-ame, shame on you you you you
Shay-ay-ame, Shame on you you you you you yeah

You must be out of your brilliant mind

And I'm at the stage
Where I want my words said and no one wants to listen
No one wants to listen 'cause everybody's yelling
About you and yours and how I'd have the answer if only I'd open up up up and let in

They must be out of their brilliant minds
They must be out of their brilliant minds

And they must be ou-ou-ou-ou-out of their brilliant minds
Everyone ou-ou-ou-ou-out of their brilliant minds
Oh, I must be out, I must be out, of my brilliant mind
Oooh my brilliant mind


Thanks to a comment by Patroclus about the Hype Machine - I've found a YouTube video of the song on a hitherto undiscovered blog - Indieviduel. The song is even better than I remembered- yay for the interweb. Now all I need is the mp3...

Thanks Miss P!

Monday, August 07, 2006

WE are the Internet



As every blogger in the world seems to embed a YouTube video into his blog at least once a week, I thought I'd go one further. This is from the "Fighting for Net Neutrality" website, where all the mad people from the internet (that loopy woman with the outfits, the Tron guy, Peter Pan, and even Joel Veitch's animations) get together to sing about freedom of the web. Enjoy...

The Return of the Wig



Now I don't want you all to get all emotional on me, especially as no-one really knows I'm back, but .... I'm back. Just temporariririly, like, but I've missed posting bollocks that no-one reads. 'Twas ever thus....

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Blue Plaque



Just an idea I had in the pub, which I've since found out has been done before? Subconscious plagiarism, or genius reinvented? You decide. Or don't. See if I care...